In July 1978, Louise Brown became the first baby born through in vitro fertilization (IVF), a groundbreaking procedure that allowed fertilization outside the body. Her parents, Lesley and John Brown, had spent nine years trying to conceive before learning that Lesley’s fallopian tubes were blocked. After finally resorting to the experimental IVF treatment, they successfully welcomed their daughter into the world, raising her in Oldham, Lancashire.

Despite the procedure breaking new grounds, keeping track of their "miracle baby" in the lab was simple—after all, there was only one test tube involved. But since Louise’s birth, over 12 million babies have been born via IVF, and as the procedure became more commonplace, its once-miraculous aura faded—and IVF became something your GP might stir up and stick in the microwave on their lunch break rather than the meticulous work carried out by the infamous trio Patrick Steptoe, Robert Edwards, and Jean Purdy. In some senses this is beautifully accessible, but in other ways things can go gravely wrong.  

Painful cases of test-tube mix ups and child swapping have become more common, with these situations playing out delicately and maturely in the courts, upholding the welfare of the children first and foremost, however, there has been one case full of explosion in the high courts this week. 

The following interviews have been translated for brevity and clarity. 

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“We realized Rodrigo was a little bit different when he was first born, mainly on account of him getting extremely sunburnt every single time we took him outside,” said Elena Rubio, mother of ten-year-old Rodrigo. “It seemed odd that he was so pasty, so pale, and when his red hair started to come through we definitely knew something was wrong.”

“You don’t get red heads in Spain,” interjected Elena’s husband Javier. 

As Rodrigo grew older, they noticed that it wasn’t just his appearance that set him apart but also the distinctiveness of his behavior, which sparked even more questions.

“It started with little things,” said Javier. “Like how he insisted on saying ‘aye’ instead of ‘sí’ or ‘okay.’ He calls us ‘Ma’ and ‘Da,’ and we had no idea where he picked that up—we didn’t even understand him at first. Then, he stopped eating anything except food from an Irish pub in town called Finnigan’s Wake. He knows many of the locals by name and even borrowed money from one of them. The man told us he’d ‘smash up our house’ if we didn’t pay him back—it’s honestly quite frightening.”

As the interviewed was being conducted Rodrigo ran into the room wearing nothing but a traffic cone on his head and told his parents to ‘get to fuck’ when I asked what he did with the money he borrowed from the man at the pub.

His parents apologize and administered some calpol via a syringe into his mouth. The only way Rodrigo accepts his medicine is via the syringe.

I notice some purple stains on the cream carpet and ask where they have come from.

“Rodrigo insists on only drinking apple juice mixed with a kind of dark berry mixture.”

“That sounds like Strongbow Dark Fruits,” I say to myself.

“Dark Fruits,” enquires Javier.

“Nevermind,” I say, turning my attention to Rodrigo who is now playing darts with aplomb, hitting a T20, T18, Bullseye checkout with ease.      

This kind of hyperactive behavior is typical for Rodrigo, who often insists on stripping off and diving into the local fountain, staying up all night re-watching Calvin Harris’ T in the Park set from 2009 on YouTube, and is frequently sent home from school for fashioning blades out of stationery. 

“We thought he might have a condition like ADHD or Asperger’s, but when we had him tested, everything came back negative,” said Elena. “It was a tough time trying to figure it all out, but when we finally met with a specialist, we got our answer,” she continued, her voice breaking as tears started to flow.

“What was the issue?” I asked.

“He doesn’t have a learning difficulty,” said Javier. “He’s just Scottish.”

After they were hit with this revelation, the Rubio’s contacted the fertility treatment centre where they received their IVF treatment and insisted that the child they had raised for the past ten years didn’t belong to them. After lengthy inquiries and internal meetings, the centre discovered that the had in fact been a mix up and that Rodrigo did not come from the egg, nor the sperm of the Rubio’s. Just as had been suspected, Rodrgio’s biological family were confirmed to be from Glasgow, Scotland. Around the same time the Rubio’s received their treatment, a couple named John and Kirsty Robertson had also been living in Benidorm and receiving IVF treatment.

“I knew we should have never received treatment from a centre in Benidorm,” said Javier. 

As difficult as this revelation had been for the Rubio’s, they felt they could finally correct this mix up when they tracked down the Robertson’s, but the response they got from the Glaswegians was not the one they were expecting.

“Oh aye we heard from the Rubio’s,” said Kirsty as she puffed her vape out of the window. “But there ain’t a chance in hell we’re trading back little Finlay - he’s class.”

“Sure he’s a little bit odd and loves a bit tapas and sleeping in the afternoon, but who fucking doesn’t. And I tell you what, he’s fucking class with the ball at his feet, he’s bringing tiki-taka to Celtic Park- mark my words!” said John. 

When reminded that this was clearly a mix-up and that Finlay was not their child and rather Rodrigo was the Robertson’s offspring they weren’t budging. 

“He sounds like a right nightmare that Rodrigo. I already live with one gobshite,” Kirsty said, gesturing over to John. “I don’t need another one.”

Unfortunately for the Rubio’s the Robertson’s are not actually legally obliged to swap children since the United Kingdom is no longer part of the EU. Under European statute, IVF mix-ups are specifically addressed in Section 2.49 of the Child Welfare Act, which states: "Incidents where children are legally considered the possession of the biological parent, even if mistakenly raised by the wrong mother in an IVF mix-up."

Since the UK left the EU, it has lagged behind in establishing much of its own legislation that was previously absorbed from EU law. Boris Johnson has personally been accused of delaying the implementation of child welfare laws in the UK, with many speculating that he is exploiting the gap in the law as a means to offload some of his eight children.

For now, the Rubios will continue raising Rodrigo, but they remain determined to reunite with Finlay one day.

“We will never stop fighting for justice and to make our family whole again,” Elena said, her voice heavy with emotion.

After the interview ended, I sat in my car, lost in deep contemplation and sadness, thinking about my own children and what I’d do without them. The tender moment was abruptly interrupted when my car refused to start. It was then that I realized—Rodrigo had, in fact, stolen the catalytic converter from under my car- the fucking wee bastard.